I am Duncan Phebus Sumo Mercutius Steerpike Campbell King, Litigator extraordinaire and I do not want you to like me.
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Greater Manchester police raise Jamie Oliver alert level to Severe
A GMP spokesman said: “The Jamie Oliver threat level to Manchester is severe, which means that an appearance by Oliver in the area is almost certain.”
“We have increased security within the city centre and we’re working with any bars, restaurants, supermarkets and other locations known to be favoured by Oliver to ensure that their staff remain vigilant.”
“As a precaution, however, we’ve closed all delis and organic food suppliers in the Manchester area for the next seven days. This is standard procedure following credible information that pertains to an Oliver appearance.”
I eat too much, I swear too much, I hit too many children with a stout stick and I poke too many old ladies out of the way as they shuffle forth to their respective doom. Arguably (though not by me) I drown too many women too.