Tuesday, 29 December 2009

POUND STOLEN!

From the Excellent Day Today;

MORRIS: The Bank of England is in chaos after the discovery that the pound has been stolen. As the news broke, trading rooms were plunged into chaos, even seasoned campaigners known for grace under pressure being reduced to squawking the day's panicked cry, "What's happening?"

TRADER: What's happening?

MORRIS: The pound was stolen at 1.30 this afternoon by thieves dressed as cleaners. They drove a white Montego - helicopter police gave chase [footage of a speeding Montego crashing into another car] but despite the shunt the men escaped, making good with their legs across open ground. [A freeze frame shows two sets of animated footprints hurrying away from the crash] As City markets crashed and flew off, the government tried to stabilise the economy with an emergency currency based on the Queen's eggs, several thousand of which were removed from her ovaries in 1953 and held in reserve. This meant anyone mad enough to seize on the panic selling of dead pounds could become a dollar millionaire in less than an hour.

CREEPY-VOICED INTERVIEWER: How much money have you personally made today?

TRADER: About ten million.

CREEPY-VOICED INTERVIEWER: Wow.

MORRIS: Throughout the day, bank officials have refused to confirm the rumours that the pound was only vulnerable at all because they removed it to play with at lunchtime and forgot to put it back. Later tonight we'll be asking Malcolm Rifkind for his view, and asking him why he likes pulling the legs off live dogs and shooting foreign policemen.

Monday, 28 December 2009

From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

On Freedom and Liberty

Whoever would overthrow the Liberty of a Nation, must begin by subduing Freedom of Speech... Without Freedom of Thought, there can be no such Thing as Wisdom; and no such Thing as public Liberty, without Freedom of Speech...
From Cato's Letters (John Trenchard and Thomas Gordon)

I wonder if maybe Haringey Council should be taken into care, or better yet dragged out and shot behind the bins

BBC is carrying the obligatory Council fucked up story of the limping wonder horse that is Haringey Council, of baby P snuffing it fame, managing to loose a 15 page confidential council file.

It's a so far beyond a joke with this bunch of muppets that it's not even funny.

Tits are awesome

No wonder online shopping has taken off if one of these tips up right on your doorstep

Thursday, 24 December 2009

on Libertinism

it is only by sacrificing everything to the senses' pleasure that this individual, who never asked to be cast into this universe of woe, that this poor creature who goes under the name of Man, may be able to sow a smattering of roses atop the thorny path of life.
Marquis de Sade

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?

.......You can put a silencer on a gun.

Best way out of a recession is to make people dumber says scum licking evil prick extraordinare Mandy

The BBC is droning this fair freezing morn (here) about the plan to cut university funding by £533 million or roughly 1/2 a Billion quid.(although it seems to have changed to £398 million now?)

Now there is general mad notion in the UK that more people being better educated is somehow a bad plan. 50% of people with degrees? why would you want that? won't they just be able to work in topshop or down the mines that we don't have or in the match stick factories that we don't have or some similar fucking nonsensical whimsy!

MORONS!

Fucking Japan, the tiny island nation in the arse end of nowhere which miraculously still makes things and invents or improves nearly everything it touches has about 75.9% of high school graduates attend a university, junior college, trade school, or other post-secondary institution.

Can't have that can we, don't want smart people that might not be happy just dying a slow death of X Factor brain cancer. Don't want a country full of people who actually aspire instead of being convinced that their shit hole estate is normal and the best they can ever have

cunts!

Tinsel Tits are Awesome

When I'm Emperor Burlesque will be a compulsory part of the national curriculum!

Spaced is true genius

Mike: Wanna go back into your party?
Tim: But they were playing 'The Time Warp'! I hate 'The Time Warp'!
Mike: Daisy likes it.
Tim: I don't care! I hate it! It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls!

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Chief Medical Officer Liam Donaldson reccomends new set of health warnings

The structure of Law Firms

The structure of law firms is simple, the longer you've been there the more stuff you get to fuck up. So a trainee who's been there 12 months can only fuck up the photocopying where as a Partner who has been there 40 years and got the job of hiring partner because nobody else wanted it and he was off the day of the "who will we make hiring partner" vote can fuck up the entire morale of the firm, the perception in the press and the prospect of ever again hiring anyone who doesn't want to be treated like shit if another recession ever again looms.

Take DLA for example, the Lawyer reports that they are onto yet another set of redundancies out in Dubai;

DLA Piper has announced yet another round of job cuts, with nine per cent of its Middle East staff set for the chop

Of course this comes after the spectacular own goal of the alleged minutes of a redundancy meeting being leaked and turning up on Rollonfriday, which I can find but are alluded to still on legal week. Bizarrely Rollonfriday seems to be having a news blackout on the Dubai redundancy program which is rather odd for a site that is essentially supposed to be a legal news website.


And Eversheds chronic thrashing around which ultimately resulted in 4 rounds of redundancies looked like something an 8 year old with just and abacus and piece of graph paper could have handled better.

So essentially the sooner the management model for firms changes the fucking better.

Friday, 18 December 2009

Day off today hurrah!

So in theory at least, while granted I am stuck in the office just now, I should be able to sneak out fairly soon and play in the half a centimetre of snow that has shut down the UK

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Shoulder pads are back, but apparently not the shitty 80s ones, also, Tits are awesome!

Taxation of Earnings

Taxation of earnings from labor is on a par with forced labor. Seizing the results of someone's labor is equivalent to seizing hours from him and directing him to carry on various activities.
Robert Nozick

Liberty and the role of government

Our constitutions purport to be established by 'the people,' and, in theory, 'all the people' consent to such government as the constitutions authorize. But this consent of 'the people' exists only in theory. It has no existence in fact. Government is in reality established by the few; and these few assume the consent of all the rest, without any such consent being actually given.
Lysander Spooner

Trafigura - front runners for worlds biggest cunts

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

The eternal question - How do you protect humanity from Godzillas and Future Doom Robots?


Litigation - why it is fun and murder at the same time

I'm a litigator, not a fancy smart lawyer who advises on multi million pound acquisitions and cross border tax liabilities or the most devious way to structure a group of companies. It's my niche, hopping in the murky shitty trenches and butting heads with like minded souls for a few pitiful pounds from clients who don't really understand what their argument was about in the first place but were damned if they were giving into the other side.

Now, by far the best and the worst thing about the job is the stress. You stop sleeping, spend all your time running battle plans and strategies over in your head, you second guess yourself 20 times a day, you damn near pull your hair out because someone else (or if a company potentially hundred of someone elses) livelihood reputation and ability to make money is on the line. It eats away at you and some people go mad, get burn out and go off to sell cakes online.

But when you win, or even when you feel the balance shifting in your favour then it is the best thing ever. You've fixed something for someone all the nightmares fade and you just feel good. For all of 5 minutes until the next disaster lands on your desk.

But it is so worth it.

Stockings are Awesome!

Monday, 14 December 2009

Liberty, Bankers and Governments (almost topical)

The Rothschilds, and that class of money-lenders of whom they are the representatives and agents - men who never think of lending a shilling to their next-door neighbors, for purposes of honest industry, unless upon the most ample security, and at the highest rate of interest - stand ready, at all times, to lend money in unlimited amounts to those robbers and murderers, who call themselves governments, to be expended in shooting down those who do not submit quietly to being robbed and enslaved.'
Lysander Spooner

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Why choose between Tits and Attitude when you can have both

Asking for brains as well is probably a wish too far though, still, I live in eternal hope of stuffing a Triple AAA as it were into the trusty Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

The stones on this guy

Friday, 11 December 2009

Yeah but what is wrong with the schools?

Any training school for free citizens must begin by teaching distrust, not trust. It must teach questioning, not acceptance of stock answers.
Cammar Pilru, Dune : House Corrino

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Murray Rothbard

"I define anarchist society as one where there is no legal possibility for coercive aggression against the person or property of any individual."
  • Society Without A State (1975)

On Women - a valuable reminder

Beefthasar

Posted - 10 December 2009 13:20 Report as offensive

SUMO! Pay attention! Don't get distracted by Stixta's charms.

Remember, they are all
eeeevvviiiillllll

All you can rely on in this world is the warming effect of
alcohol as you cry in the dark.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Problems Jay Z v Tiger Woods

Download music and have your Internet cut off - not by court order just because Sony or EMI suspect you EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE THIEVING CUNTS

Except, Warner, Sony BMG, EMI and Universal who have been cosying up to HMG to get a special short circuit the channels of justice open to the average person in the street have been ripping off the music and artists who they are apparently so desperate to protect.

The labels have made a habit of using songs from a wide variety of artists for compilation CDs without securing the rights. They simply use the recording and make note of it on “pending list” so they can deal with it later. This has been going on since the 1980s and since then the list of unpaid tracks (or copyright infringements) has grown to 300,000.

300,000?!You'd have to be a particularly dedicated student or single mother to knock them off. Apparently a group in
Canada have launched a class action looking to recover some $6 Billion of lost revenue.

How and why this blatant copyright infringement could go on for years is a mystery, but the labels’ double standard has been picked up by the plaintiffs as well. “The conduct of the defendant record companies is aggravated by their strict and unremitting approach to the enforcement of their copyright interests against consumers,” the artists argue in their claim for damages.

The suit is still ongoing but already the labels have admitted to owing at least $50 million for infringing the rights of artists, and this figure could grow as high as 6 billion. So who are the real pirates here?

This is exactly why small governments are desirable. Not so some fat fuck doesn't have to pay any tax on his unearned great grandfathers smart property investments. So you don't end up with a quasi facist alliance of Government and Business. Don't get me wrong business is good, it creates wealth and the people who stick their necks out to create that wealth should get to keep it. But they damn sure should not get a different set of rules to play by or taxpayer propping just because some fat cunt wonk is looking for a cushy board room job post the election.

Pre Budget Report Predictions

bankers to continue whining like the miners that they will go out of business if they do what the HMG shareholders want (maybe don't get nationalised in the first place!)

101% tax on anyone not an MP and earning more than £5 a year

money for families, especially the ones that have 18 kids already prowling the streets and feeding on grannies

money for grannies to buy tasers

anyone who had the audacity to slog through higher education, has not got married, is not part of a special interest lobby group and actually works is to grab their ankles again and please not move out of the UK first chance they get as they are the only people keeping the festering shitt hole afloat

more cash for the 3rd world in case it sinks, the maldives in particular where the president wants cash cause the sea level is going to rise by 8 metres, which is actually impossible and does not take into account the 20cm it dropped in the 70s or the 50cm it was higher than it is now in the 1600s when people seemed to do just fine

plenty cash for David Lammy's plan to reintroduce slavery

extra cash for MOD bonuses, equipment to be cut and an island nation utterly dependant on it's navy for defence to have it's navy cut

Monday, 7 December 2009

How stuff works, lesson 56 - Life, The Universe and everything

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.
From The Game by Neil Strauss

Thursday, 3 December 2009

The Stan Party Links me happy!

With no prompting or threats of impending violence the generous I am Stan (see below) Britain's most feared Zulu has linked me, his blog can be found here.

Stan on route to Tescos for some chops

Feminism Destroys Families!, ooh the poor families, we all have to get on our fucking knees and spread our cheeks for the brood mothers!

I hate feminism but fcuk me I am sick to the back teeth of people bleating about how everything should be about family

I do not take my fcuking cue in life from peggie mitchel in eastenders!

families are shitt, they cause all kinds of stupid unnecessary problems and expense, we should be fining people who have families not encouraging them

jeebus fcuking horatio bob christ I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! does nobody else see this!

have you seen the people that breed? the shambling morlocks with a fat kid bouncing along the pavement being dragged by the umbilical chord?

or the neurotic ones that had to have a £3000 buggashit pushchair that they can't steer or get to fold up and have called their kid Lemon Rind cause they always liked that back when they were an overindulged kid who spent way too long pretending to be an insipid fairy princess!

FFS!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

But what is this Liberty you bang on about Sumo?

“The privileges of thinking, saying, and doing what we please, and of growing as rich as we can, without any other restrictions, that by all this we hurt not the public, not one another, are the glorious privileges of liberty.”

“Cato” (the nom de plume of John Trenchard and Thomas Gordon), writing in the early 1720s

Litigation is Like a Yorkie Bar

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Education - Geography - What is Canada?

In my ever present quest to educate and thus liberate the hideously deformed masses I present this treatise I have unearthed explaining the origins and history (and likely future) of Canada.

People from Canada are Canadians. There is not much more to it than that. Go get a map, locate the USA and go north a bit. There. See that big country? That is Canada. People from there are Canadians.

Really Early Origin

The very first Canadians, or Native Canadians, came to Canada thousands of years ago to get away from the perils of being warm.

Early Origin

Canadians, or Canadianus beerbellius, are the descendants of castaways of two pasty European nations, Britain and France.

Back in the day, Britain and France each had one problem: French people and British people, respectively. While their first solution to the problem (varying degrees of war with each other, themselves, and other countries) had successfully led to the death and mangling of untold thousands over the centuries, neither country had yet managed to annihilate the other.

A new solution had to be found. Great minds in both countries sat and pondered, eventually coming up with the brilliant ideas of more war and bigger war. These were tested on a small scale but proved unsatisfying, unsuccessful and unsomethingelse.

War, unfortunately, had two crippling disadvantages; dead people from war, and protests from the people who would end up as dead people in the next war.

A new new solution had to be found. Lesser minds from both countries sat and pondered, trying to figure out how to solve the dilemma. After many hours of boozing and whoring, they hit upon the solution; send the unhappy people away. This would minimize their annoying whining "on the home front" and if war came, as it inevitably would, the dead would not be around to stink up the place. They would instead stink up some other place. Preferably some place far away...and what place was farther away than Canada?

At that time, the region was populated primarily by natives of Canada, some of whom had wacky ideas like "democracy" and "letting chicks out of the house". The "old world" would soon put and end to that foolishness, yessiree!

Britain, unaware of France's plans, sent some of its people to the east coast of Canada. France, unaware of the plans of the British, sent some of its people to that very same coast. The east one. Of Canada.

...at the time, neither side suspected the hilarity that would ensue...

Later Early Origin

The occupants of the British part of Canada, known as Upper Canada, promptly started to annoy the occupants of the French part of Canada, known as Lower Canada, by loudly stomping around the second floor of the country in heavy-soled shoes. The French returned fire by partying, playing music at full blast on weeknights and spilling wine in the foyer and leaving it for the British to clean up.

Meanwhile, the original natives of Canada, or godless savages, were glad to have these foreigners come over and take away their land by force or by stealth, as in exchange they got both marginalization and small plots of land, rather than the giant plot of land that they originally possessed. Eventually they also got more marginalization and their small plots of land were upgraded to be even smaller (yay).

The British Canadians, or "White Trash", and the French Canadians, or "Quoi du Beurre", of course, eventually resorted to war. Soldiers die easy; old habits, however, die hard.

The victory of British forces at the Plains of Abraham was ensured once they had taken the picnic tables. This made up for the loss of their kite in the trees earlier in the battle.

A Concise History of the War Between the Canadians of Upper and Lower Canada

Britain won. France, not so much.

Ebony and Ivory

After the British (in Canada) defeated the French (also in Canada) at the Plains of Abraham they (the British, still in Canada) planned, plotted and connived to ensure that the remaining French citizens would never be unhappy again. In this, they were absolutely and totally successful.

Origin of the Modern Canadian

Britain eventually bored of beavers, trees, and beaver and tree related merchandise, selling the now unprofitable Canada to the residents thereof: Canadians. Then, following a couple of world wars and a decade called the 60's, the modern Canadian emerged.

Canadians, Finally

After Britain sold Canada to the Canadians, people from a now independent Canada, known as Canadians, managed to stumble into the modern era of democracy, human rights and cable television without violence, for the most part.

This means that the average Canadian has a profound dislike for war, especially any war that occurred after Korea as, at best, Canada was only peripherally involved.

After taking part in couple of world wars, known as World War I and World War II, however, Canadians are surprisingly good at blowing shit up. Especially Halifax. For this reason few countries mess with Canada, unless they have shit that needs to be blown up and lack the will or the resources to do so.

During the 1960s, the demographic of the average Canadian changed considerably. Before that time Canada almost exclusively imported white people, eventually buying people from as far east as eastern Europe when the UK and France ran out of people that they didn't need, and all of those were white, though less so than those from Canada's mother countries. In desperation the Canadian government changed from importing mostly from Europe to importing from all over the world.

This lead to the fact that a modern Canadian may occasionally have yellow, swarthy or brown skin, possibly topped off with a jaunty turban! Some Canadians aren't even (gasp!) Christians and about 1/6th have no religion at all.

Strangely, they seem to get along, for some unknown reason.

The Unknown Reason Why Canadians Get Along, Known!

America. Simple really. Both their proximity to Canada and the general American-ness of Americans have, from the very beginning, forced Canadians to huddle together. In addition, they huddle together for warmth.

And for sex.

However, that is beyond the scope of this article.

Essentially Canada has produced Canadians that are Canadian because if they were not they would be Americans. Canadians, like most people of nations that are not the USA, do not want to be Americans. In addition, like the citizens of most other nations, Canadians think that they are better than Americans.

Luckily, by focusing only on the worst stereotypes of America, via American films, television programs, and anecdotal stories about American tourists, Canadians have set the bar rather low for what it takes to be better than Americans.

Even more luckily, Americans have lowered the bar even further by consistently living down to the stereotype. Recently, for reasons unknown even to them, they've tilted the lowered bar to the right. See Pat Robertson, George W. Bush, Ann Coulter, Pat Buchanan, et al, for excellent examples of this phenomenon.

Canadians and their future in Canada, which is where they're from, and the world, which in a greater sense they are also from

The most important thing about Canadians, indeed, the single and only thing about them that matters at all whatsoever, is that at this very moment, while you're sitting there reading this very sentence here before you right now, is that also at this very same moment in time Canadians, from their secret base, Canada, are plotting to steal your girlfriend, if you have one, and if you don't that's really not a bad reflection on you because you are a fine, upstanding gentleman with good teeth and a winning personality or, if you're a girl, then they plan to steal your man or, if you're gay or bisexual then they will, at some as yet undefined point in the future, steal the one, or ones, that you love, and while doing so will also raid your refrigerator, divesting it of those especially plump and juicy strawberries that you picked up, as well as your last beer too, even if it's that Dutch brand in the green bottle that, notoriously, some people think is German, or perhaps they will just use this page and pages much like this one, but specifically this one and not any other ones, to export illegally long sentences by simply and sneakily tricking you into reading them.

Monday, 30 November 2009

You, Madam, are some Bad Candy

Maybe the Police could do some Policing rather than just terrorising the law abiding

Compare this, tragic mauling to death of four-year-old John Paul Massey

Police said Ms Foulkes had been looking after John-Paul at her home in Ash Grove while his mother went to work.



The force has begun a further inquiry after admitting it received a report of dogs being bred at the house in February but failed to take any action.

With this, mother who was bullied by the cops and local council for telling off her children and trying to make them behave

A mother fears she has been 'criminalised' for giving her children a ticking-off in a supermarket.

She was secretly followed home by an off-duty policeman who overheard her threatening to smack them unless they behaved.


Six weeks later two officers came to her home and questioned her about disciplining the youngsters, a boy of 11 and a four-year-old girl. To her horror she then received a letter from the local council saying her 'chastisement' of the children had been 'put on record' for at least the next 14 years.

If you don't love this movie, I will fight you

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Saturday, 28 November 2009

Dear People

Fucking I do not care what shit your neddy (read scally or chavish) unholy off spring is spouting that makes it absolutely necessary to walk 4 abreast down the street, however, while the 20 or so people in front of me, sundry grannies, the disabled, polite unconfrontational people, will tut in their heads and walk on the road to dodge round you I am going straight through.

Also

I do not give a flying fuck how 'rude' you overindulged, scrounging, pavement hogging cunts think this is, I am bigger and likely crazier than you so, in the words of the famous philosopher Eminem, I just don't give a fuck!

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

SpazX's Law (also SpazX's Rule of Dumb Cunt, Marxists Analogies)

SpazX's Law (also SpazX's Rule of Dumb Cunt, Marxists Analogies) is a mainstay of Internet culture, an adage formulated by a troubled loner in 2006. The law states:
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a someone in the discussion addressing someone else as a dumbcunt or a Marxist approaches one.
SpazX's Law does not dispute whether, in a particular instance, a reference or comparison to the dumb cunts or the Marxists might be apt. It is precisely because such a reference or comparison may sometimes be appropriate, SpazX argues, that overuse of the dumb cunt/Marxist comparison should be avoided, as it robs the valid comparisons of their impact.

Although in one of its early forms SpazX's Law referred specifically to Usenet newsgroup discussions, the law is now applied to any threaded online discussion: electronic mailing lists, message boards, chat rooms, and more recently blog comment threads and wiki discussion pages.

Malevolent forces are ever out to thwart me


But none more than these harpies!


Nemesis - A Definition

1. A source of harm or ruin: Uncritical trust is my nemesis.

2. Retributive justice in its execution or outcome: To follow the proposed course of action is to invite nemesis.

3. An opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome.

4. One that inflicts retribution or vengeance.

5. Nemesis Greek Mythology The goddess of retributive justice or vengeance.

6. Rof Stick Insect

Spaced is Da Bomb (that's right square I said Da but studiously spelt bomb correctly! How you like those apples)

[Mike is undertaking a Rorschach ink test; the first card is very obviously a couple having sex]
Mike: War.
TA Officer: [Holding the next card] This one?
Mike: Bomb.
TA Officer: [Next card] This one?
Mike: Guts.
[Next card]
Mike: Guns.
[Next card]
Mike: Guts and guns.
[Next card]
Mike: [Happily] Butterfly.
[The TA Officer frowns]
Mike: [Realizes] Butterfly with a bomb.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

How to actually fix your life

The Art of Manliness is ever the helpful resource to the modern bloke who is daily bombarded by the most fucked up, whimsical nonsense ever to trot out of an advertising department. Oh, and whoopdefuckadoodledo the next UK government will be led by an ad man.

Jeebus fucking wept.

anywhose, on the off chance anyone actually wants to improve themselves and are sick of retarded self help gurus who peddle snake oil, The Art of Manliness has a great piece here.

The Strenuous Life (1900)

If we stand idly by, if we seek merely swollen, slothful ease and ignoble peace, if we shrink from the hard contests where men must win at hazard of their lives and at the risk of all they hold dear, then the bolder and stronger peoples will pass us by, and will win for themselves the domination of the world.
Theodore Roosevelt, Jr. (27/10/1858 – 01/06/1919) 26th President of the United States (1901–1909).