Wednesday, 31 March 2010

At least we've got our guitars

The A - Z of Awesomeness!

Theodore Roosevelt says

If we stand idly by, if we seek merely swollen, slothful ease and ignoble peace, if we shrink from the hard contests where men must win at hazard of their lives and at the risk of all they hold dear, then the bolder and stronger peoples will pass us by, and will win for themselves the domination of the world.
The Strenuous Life" (10 April 1899)

The A - Z of Awesomeness!

It's Political Correctness Gone Mad!..... Or is it?

It really worries me that 84% of this audience agrees with that statement, because the kind of people that say "political correctness gone mad" are usually using that phrase as a kind of cover action to attack minorities or people that they disagree with. I'm of an age that I can see what a difference political correctness has made. When I was four years old, my grandfather drove me around Birmingham, where the Tories had just fought an election campaign saying, "if you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Labour," and he drove me around saying, "this is where all the niggers and the coons and the jungle bunnies live." And I remember being at school in the early 80s and my teacher, when he read the register, instead of saying the name of the one asian boy in the class, he would say, "is the black spot in," right? And all these things have gradually been eroded by political correctness, which seems to me to be about an institutionalised politeness at its worst. And if there is some fallout from this, which means that someone in an office might get in trouble one day for saying something that someone was a bit unsure about because they couldn't decide whether it was sexist or homophobic or racist, it's a small price to pay for the massive benefits and improvements in the quality of life for millions of people that political correctness has made. It's a complete lie that allows the right, which basically controls media now, and international politics, to make people on the left who are concerned about the way people are represented look like killjoys. And I'm sick, I'm really sick-- 84% of you in this room that have agreed with this phrase, you're like those people who turn around and go, "you know who the most oppressed minorities in Britain are? White, middle-class men." You're a bunch of idiots.
Stewart Lee "Heresy", BBC Radio 4, 16th May 2007

From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

There is a boy with some flawless technique

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Don't ask Don't tell

ANDREW LEESE at Linder Myers has written a little piece on the law commission's reccomendations for a change in burden for  providing information to insurance companies. 

The current practice being "you should tell us everything, including everything we haven't asked you for and is probably not relevant" rather than "If we think something is relevant, we will ask for it"


(yeah, I know, but I do have an actual interest in law you know)

On Liberty

History does not teach fatalism.  There are moments when the will of a handful of free men breaks through determinism and opens up new roads. 
Charles de Gaulle

Tits are awesome

Apologies for the lack of updates

To, err, both my readers

but real world job is a bit demanding at the moment 

Monday, 22 March 2010

Watch Yourself Go By

(I have pinched this from The Art of Manliness Blog, here)

Just stand aside and watch yourself go by;
Think of yourself as “he” instead of “I.”

Note, closely as in other men you note

The bag-kneed trousers and the seedy coat.

Pick flaws; find fault; forget the man is you,

And strive to make your estimate ring true.

Confront yourself and look you in the eye-

Just stand aside and watch yourself go by.

Interpret all your motives just as though
You looked on one whose aims you did not know.

Let undisguised contempt surge through you when

You see you shirk, O commonest of men!

Despise your cowardice; condemn whate’er

You note of falseness in you anywhere.

Defend not one defect that shames your eye-

Just stand aside and watch yourself go by.

And then, with eyes unveiled to what you loathe,
To sins that with sweet charity you’d clothe,

Back to your self-walled tenement you’ll go

With tolerance for all who dwell below.

The faults of others then will dwarf and shrink,

Love’s chain grows stronger by one mighty link,

When you, with “he” as substituted for “I,”

Have stood aside and watched yourself go by.

Strickland Gillilan

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Why lazy is bad

Attitudes only change when we see the horrific consequences of our inactivity.
Kay Adams 

The Al Qaeda suggestion box

Doug Stanhope makes a good point

I wrote an update with an "Al Qaeda Wish-List" - the premise being not that I WANTED terrorists to blow shit up but if they HAD to blow shit, here was a list of good places to start.
In it, I wrote "Al Qaida really needs a suggestion box. I’d love to hear the public outcry if they put out a serious, red-level alert that IRS offices were going to be nuked. Or, the DMV. Or, whoever made those Geico/Gecco commercials."

So, I have rehashed some of his suggestions below in the vain hope that shouty random idiots might be able to do some good after all. 

1. Red Lights that photograph you if you sneak through
And speed camera zones and any other Big Brother shit like that. I am always saddened when I see piss-poor graffiti on businesses and public walls when kids could just as easily spray-paint the lenses of these mechanical thieves.
Every other deer-crossing sign in rural areas is littered with bullet holes from bored youth yet the photo speed-trap remains unmolested. If your kid is a prick and a vandal, get him a paintball gun and point him in the right direction. It's your job as a parent.

2. Airport Security
If terrorists would focus not on airplanes but on airport security, then the gov't would either get rid of airport security or create airport security security that you would have to go through before you went through airport security. Then the terrorists would go after airport security security until they had airport security security security. And so on until they finally admitted that airport security doesn't do shit.
Like I said before, you can't keep weapons out of prisons and in prison they look in your ass. Stop your nonsense.

3. Whoever Puts Shit on DVDs That You Can't Fast-Forward Through.
I just bought the box sets of Firefly and the beginning of each season has a run-on trailer for other shows that you cannot fast-forward through. I paid for this yet I am forced to watch advertisements for other shows that either I don't wanna watch or that broke my heart (Deadwood, which ended on a cliff-hanger only to be cancelled - forcing me to actually go to Deadwood, SD to see how it ends. It ends as a goofball tourist destination where nobody is named Swearengen.)
The only DVD you can get that allows you to skip the Piracy Warning is a pirated DVD and I highly recommend that.

4. Wasps
A wasp stung me in the knuckle today and I want all insects dead. First, we find the family of the wasp and pull off their wings. Send a brutal message. Then we kill a yellowjacket and leave it in a wasp's nest, starting a war between the rival sets of bees.
It goes on from there.

5. Derek Acorah
"Ghosts" shows, with the terminally gullible being duped and exploited is like doing Home Makeovers For The Rich and Famous. It's hard to feel sympathy for 'em, but, that doesn't make Derek Acorah any less of a fraud. I can't stop hating him and watching him and hating him and watching some more.
I have called around randomly to different tv channels and none of them think it's a good idea to do a television show where you violently beat an old crazy scouse man to death.
You suck the most and you are beyond an awful, human carpet-bagger. You are criminal and should be defrocked of whatever credentials you hold and jailed. You really fucking suck. You fucking parasite.

6. Live from Studio 5
I watched about 15 minutes of this show and became agitated to a state of pant-shitting fury. This show  wouldn't upset me so much if the same shit they spout wasn’t credited by the supposed-legitimate news for so many "breaking news" stories.
It's the same as if your nosey neighbor who watches you come and go from between her curtains was suddenly acclaimed as an investigative reporter when she gossips about you at the coffee shop.
Yes, the fault does lay with bankrupt masses that actually give a fuck what Pixie Lott is carrying in her back-pack on the way to the gym as much as the sponge-dick following her with the iPhone. But, if I had an Al Qaeda Wish-List that just said "Everybody" it wouldn't kill as much time. And killing time is important.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

On Marriage (and fucking parasite subsidised parents)

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? 

Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this shit. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. 

We need judges and lawyers involved in this shit, baby. 

It's hot!"

On Liberty

If you're gonna have a pro-drug argument, start the argument where it starts: I have the right to do what ever the hell I want to my own body, if it kills me slowly, happy for me, fuck you, "clack clack" (miming a pump-action shotgun) stop me!
Doug Stanhope

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Not only do cops & local authorities hate fun but now they also hate cheese

Bring forth the tar and feathers!

Seek the nearest improvised gibbet!

A centuries-old cheese rolling contest has fallen victim to health and safety — but not because of the broken bones and dozens of other injuries sustained each year.

Organisers of Gloucestershire’s annual competition have cancelled the event due to be held on May 31 because of concerns raised by the police and local authority over traffic and crowd control.

Alright, granted the reason it's been cancelled is that it's turned from a small local mental fest to a major event drawing (last year) 15,000 spectators.
But that's no reason to waste some spare indignation by proxy and rantyness, is it?
Fun hating fucks! I'll find my own hill and you won't be invited!

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Tits are awesome or From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

might have to have a vote

Hëävÿ Mëtäl Ümläüt Däÿ

Hëävÿ Mëtäl Ümläüt Däÿ is typically celebrated in newspapers, and on various internet forums on July 29th each year. It is typically celebrated in Utah, in small towns where people are eccentric but just don't know it. It's a fairly obscure holiday, popular to polygamists and to members of the Obscure Holiday Practicing Society, and unpopular to pretty much everyone else. The day has absolutely no affiliation to Heavy Metal Day (February 11th, official day to celebrate the lower left half of the periodic table, which feels like it never gets enough attention).

On Hëävÿ Mëtäl Ümläüt Däÿ, which also has no affiliation to heavy metal, or to umlauts, one is dedicated to the usage of unnecessary foreign diacritical marks in as many words as one could get away with, without coming off like they're trying too hard.

(More specific rituals could be traced back to the Hëävÿ Mëtäl Ümläüt Däÿ chapter in the Book of Extremely Unecessary Religious Rituals)

Sorry Stan (also sorry for the shit video but it was all I could find)

William Wallace v Shaka Zulu

High Speed Rail Announced yet Again

Thought I had ranted about this previously but can't find it. Main story being touted by every two bit news outfit that laps up shitt here.

Essentially Lord Adonis has done his 4 monthly pop up and pretend there will be a High Speed rail network, because high speed rail is good for the economy, high speed rail is sexy, high speed rail looks cool and high speed rail has agreed to have his babies.

The snag? well it's going to be 10 years before work starts and there might have be public consultations. These consultations of course are not actually going to be open to the public, just HMG quangos and companies that want to bid to build the line. Assuming it happens at, which it wont.

Therefore it's just the same bollocks fantasy regurgitated and regurgitated and the ever helpful BBC, blissfully unaware of their railway timetable update sidebar which has tracked this nonsense shows just how much cock is waffled on the subject.

Cities urge high-speed rail link
09 Sep 09

New high-speed rail plan unveiled
26 Aug 09

Business reacts to fast rail link
26 Aug 09

High-speed rail proposal welcomed
26 Aug 09

Dawning of rail's new golden age?
01 Feb 09

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

From Boatang & Demetriou - a rant about how the Mail Khunt's everything up

It is important to add here, that just because the left have tried to codify and dominate the human rights debate over recent years, and just because the EU has a strong hand over the debate, does not mean that human rights don't exist, or that they are left wing or silly. Who the fuck do the Mail think they are, exactly? Would they happily see rights and freedoms abolished, simply because they are championed by foreigners, or blacks, or people with a past, or some other 'undesirable' group?

When are freedoms good? When they are freedoms championed by middle aged, greying, hedge-trimming grumpy old white blokes from the Burbs who drive Merc A classes and read a paper that happens to be owned by the Rothmere clan?

The article, besides its ill-founded and ill-conceived assault on libertarian freedoms, is not just a load of pompous authoritarian bullshit, it is disseminating, disingenuous wank of the highest, stickiest order and it really fucking pisses me off.

Tory's want to one up Blair

By apparently invading Iran, or at the very least cranking up sanctions, economically choking the middle class who oppose the nightmarish regime and generally making a complete pig's cunt of the place, from the BBC here.

What they should in fact be doing is turning towards Europe and attempting to increase Britain's influence there, trying to turn the continent into more what America was meant to be before it turned into a federal monster.

But they won't, because they are fucking morons, identical to the current labour gov except the brush their comb overs to the right while labour brush them to the left.

Possibly time to seriously think about V for Vendetta.

This, is going to be awesome!

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Tits are awesome or From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

still not decided, answers on a post card

Oh great Part 18 of the CPR

Lend me the strength to be utterly vexacious, pedantic and ultimately have the ability to khunt up this utter Double Nugget's day.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Tits are awesome or From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

I can't decide, ticks so many boxes, will need to see that new Alice in Wonderland sequel type thing,

Councils get a lot of flak for being retards

but when you see this, event he most mentally simple supporter of these gaggles of the criminally incompetent must surely breakdown in tears (Pinched from the Lowering the Bar Blog here)

Parking disputes in England are resolved under provisions of the Road Traffic Act of 1991.  Motorists who want to challenge a ticket first present the challenge to the council for the area where the ticket was issued.  If the challenge is rejected, there is another appeal to an official known as theParking and Traffic Adjudicator.  After the Adjudicator (a much scarier title than "judge," although it seems a little misplaced in the parking context) rules on the appeal, either side may seek costs, but costs are allowed only if a party's behavior is found to have been "frivolous, vexatious or wholly unreasonable."
In 2007, an Islington Council officer ticketed an Islington Council vehicle, but the department that got the ticket appealed.  Because the department is not a different entity, in legal terms the council was appealing a ticket it got from the council, and under the rules above, the council was hearing its own appeal.  After the council rejected its appeal, it then appealed again to the Parking Adjudicator.  But having appealed, it then presented no evidence, and the Adjudicator voided the ticket.  Feeling its appeal had been an outrageous waste of time, the council asked for costs, thus accusing itself of having acted frivolously, vexatiously and/or wholly unreasonably toward itself.  The Adjudicator declined to award costs, pointing out that "[t]he legal status of the two parties in this appeal amounted to one and the same."
Several other councils have reportedly sued themselves as well, including one that managed to win its case and so had to pay itself the fine.
Jeebus fucking wept

Yippee-kai-eh! and about bluddy time too!

Hangover Free Booze!

"According to a South Korean study set to be published in the May 2010 issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, booze that's been brewed or distilled with enriched oxygen can effectively alleviate hangover side-effects. Science Daily reports "high-oxygen water can enhance the survival ability of mice and fatigue recovery" of mice that hit the bottle. The South Korean study tested 49 volunteers and discovered that elevated oxygen concentrations in alcoholic drinks accelerates the metabolism and elimination of alcohol."

scientific jargon what the Mrs understands, here,

Why women can't be mechanics, reason 421

And what fucking business is it of yours?

Sex dungeon' found in sleepy Devon village!

Screams the Telegraph,

Officers were alerted after neighbours reported "unusual behaviour" and "strange sounds" coming from the four-bedroomed house in Lee Mill, Devon.

Oh fuck, unusual behaviour! better call in the flying squad, which, essentially, is what they did. 

Police arrived with battering rams to raid the home

But didn't fucking need them did they 

but after a plain clothes officer knocked on the door the residents let them in

So essentially the gist is that it's not okay what you get up to in your own home anymore, or with your mates. I suspect there is some "oh dear there is a brothel in this house!" prosecution drive on the go but fucking seriously! Not enough gun crime, stabbings, corrupt wonks, burglaries and happy slapping going on for cops to take an actual fucking interest in?

Better buy a lot of fcuking grey and start walking round with my fucking head bowed, better start not stepping out of line, better fucking start sticking to missionary position, socks on, lights off if I don't want a visit from the rozzers eh!

Friday, 5 March 2010

Well played sun!

I sent a colleague out to get me a brownie (yes I know we have brownies in the cafe up stairs but I don't want to fight through the trainees who haven't figured out it is shit up there yet)

The result no brownie! but, in a surprising use of sense and judgment he has returned wit this
A monster double decker duo!

And it is a monster, not just a shitty normal double decker choped in half! Having scoffed it forthwith I reccomend you run out and grab one yourself pronto.

The World would be a better place

If more people dealt with those petty feeble little fucks who claim authority by virtue of a hastily printed badge, some vague political patronage or miscellaneous quangory by simply stating  FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR WASTED EMPTY LIFE, FUCK YOU AND YOUR LAMENTING THAT YOU'LL NEVER GET A TIT WANK.


Thursday, 4 March 2010

MOD is shit

apprently, but nothing ever gets fixed DOES IT!


Monday, 1 March 2010

Tits are awesome

Daytona Bike Week 2010 tits to be exact

thank fuck for that

Talk talk have taken their fists out of their arses and sorted the problems

boobs update as soon as I pinch a pic!