Friday, 15 January 2010

Minimum Alcohol Pricing

The scene is Miscellaneous Identical Party HQ within spitting distance of Westminster

Party Leader: Ooooh, this booze Britain thing, people going out, getting hammered in an effort to forget about their awful problems and the horrors of not getting billion pound bonuses for watching the stock markets creep up

Minister/Shadow Minster for Punishing Fun: I know! let's crank up the price of booze, the working classes don't vote anymore, the middle class, well they're us! and we can be trusted to get drunk and chance the back roads home thus avoiding any unpleasantness!

Party Leader: That sounds like an excellent idea, but how do we square this with our increasingly nonsensical stance that we actually believe in markets and not just picking winners?

Minister/ Shadow Minister for Cunting up Money: We'll just ignore that blatant hypocrisy like we always do safe in the knowledge that all the folk who scream for markets have just got tax payer bailout and won't grump too much

Party Leader: Right okay, we'll do that, although, I can't help wondering if making booze more expensive than cocaine, heroin, cannabis and industrial meths might somehow come back to bite us?

Minister/ Shadow Minister for pretending the NHS is not a massive system of subsidies: Yeah, but that's not the point! nobody gets elected on solving problems anymore. People just vote for things to be better and we tell them it will be better cause we live in fucking cloud cookooland and they believe us because they went to school and were taught Democracy works and that they should respect authority.

Party Leader: Oh, oh okay, print the flyers then.

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