People too dumb to have a real job get together and tell us why we are bad and how they will make us good.

There are a lot of things I hate but wonks (or politians as they would prefer to be called) are pretty close to the top of the pile. They bleat incessantly about how it takes people with talent to run the country. They complain they are not paid enough. They say they work long hours. They look at you as if you are stupid and say in a stage managed voice that they are taking the tough decisions and that you should just trust them. .

They are utterly fucking useless wastes of flesh who are presumably locked up in Westminster not so that they can run things but rather to limit the damage they would do if let out to roam the country. Much in the fashion of the Harry Enfield character who shouts blithely “You don’t want to do that”.

And of course of all the fucking wankathons to roll into Manchester and disturb the serene choir of gunshots and rape screams which give the city its ambience it would have to be the tories.

As anyone who has had the misfortune to stand next to me at the bar will know, us people of Glasgow, generally, not such big fans of the tories. (point of order, not such big fans of labour these days either given the utter gang fuck they have made of the country in just 12 short years).

The ultimate insult is that half of Manchester has apparently been fortified on the off chance that a bunch of truly mediocre people, perhaps exceeded in mediocrity by a gnats ball hair only by the red sock puppets currently charge, are worth defending at public expense.

Quick look at Call Me Dave’s CV essentially turns up a career of hiding it out in back rooms for Michael Howard, a man who would out creepy the corpse of Michael Jackson and Norman Lamont, notable only for a highly amusing spitting image puppet.

Of course Dave took 7 years out to work as a PA at Carlton (officially Director of Corporate Affairs, but I was giving him the benefit of not being smeared in shit over the collapse of ITV digital).

Quotes about his time there you say? Certainly.

Jeff Randall, writing in The Daily Telegraph, said he would not trust Mr Cameron "with my daughter's pocket money".

"To describe Cameron's approach to corporate PR as unhelpful and evasive overstates by a widish margin the clarity and plain-speaking that he brought to the job of being Michael Green's mouthpiece," wrote the ex-BBC business editor.

"In my experience, Cameron never gave a straight answer when dissemblance was a plausible alternative, which probably makes him perfectly suited for the role he now seeks: the next Tony Blair," Mr Randall wrote.

Sun business editor Ian King, recalling the same era, described Mr Cameron as a "poisonous, slippery individual".

Awesome, and this cunt, who has already fucked up the city centre, is going to tell me that my life is broken and only by handing over my cash, to him and his troughing cronies to set up a shit load of new quangos to take the heat for making bad decisions, will I be able to gain some sort of mythical, unwanted, forced, redemption.