Posted - 14 October 2009 16:59
His left leg is circa 3 inches longer than his right.
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:00 Report as offensive
circa is a measurement of time surely?
Mr Coffee hes so frothy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:01 Report as offensive
several african refugee families reside in his enormous flab-folds.
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:01 Report as offensive
He owns a flock of miniature ducks which he feeds oven chips
Windowshade Curlymint
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:02 Report as offensive
He has the brain the size of a small fish and the sensitivity of a donkey.
Oh no wait, that's true..
Still adore him though for my sins
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
if you ton this up I will post it up on my blog
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
he plucks his own bikini line with a pair of rusty tweezers
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
His favourite thing in the world is a runny egg and sausage sandwich made with fresh white bread.
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:05 Report as offensive
He once climbed halfway up
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:05 Report as offensive
he likes spending his sunny afternoons daisy chaining
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:06 Report as offensive
He won a first at Glasgow, has squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs, sold his soul for Rock'n'Roll, almost pipped Krugman for the Nobel Prize and is barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in South Manchester.
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:06 Report as offensive
he knits all his own sweaters
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:07 Report as offensive
and pickles his own onions
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:08 Report as offensive
He once challenged the Bass player from White Snake to an arm wrestle. The challenge was turned down.
camenbert
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:08 Report as offensive
Some say he casts no shadow when in
Some say he his knees pcik up jazz FM
all we know is, he's called the Sumo
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:09 Report as offensive
In his spare time he surfs the internet looking for pictures of middle-aged women with sunburn.
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:11 Report as offensive
it was Mrs Sumo that caught him in a sack and kept him in her basement - she has since taught him everything he knows
Nick Lowe
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:11 Report as offensive
He admires and respects the RoF poster known as Nick Lowe and wishes he was from
I'm pretty sure the 'He' bit of that sentence is true.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:12 Report as offensive
Rumours circulating in Motherwell as recently as yesterday suggest that his sweat has the identical chemical composition to Irn Bru.
eugenie
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:15 Report as offensive
his lips are devil red
and his skin's the colour of mocha
Dogmatix
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:16 Report as offensive
Sumo lessr known persuits include cake decoration, hello kitty memorabila collection and sack quilting.
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:18 Report as offensive
He likes Jeff Stryker prison movies
Bungle Fever
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:18 Report as offensive
When he drinks blended whisky he pees cask-strength single malt.
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:19 Report as offensive
He credited with modernising the city of
he is worshipped as a god by the cargo cult that sprang up following this mighty deed and to which 98.6%* of the population of
(*note the remaining 1.4% of the population are gents from holy
The_original_IG
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:22 Report as offensive
he used an axe to hack off his hand at the wrist, then sewed it back on just because he was bored and wanted to pass some time.
Mark Corrigan
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:27 Report as offensive
As has been revealed on a previous occasion, "he" is actually a 14-year-old public schoolgirl called Arabella who is distantly related to the Duchess of Kent.
Miss Happy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:59 Report as offensive
He often dresses up in womens clothes and performs as a drag queen.
SolsburyHill
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:03 Report as offensive
He is sixteenth in line to the the throne of
oxsnob
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:04 Report as offensive
He owns Jimmy Saville's original chair from 'Jim'll Fix It,' which he has had converted to dispense large brandies as well as cigars and cups of tea.
oxsnob
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:07 Report as offensive
(the inside of the chair features a small prison for petite girls)
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:09 Report as offensive
He is allergic to Latex.
Miss Happy
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:16 Report as offensive
I like that one Betty.
SolsburyHill
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:17 Report as offensive
His life story inspired the character of Andy Defrain in the Shawshank Redemption, he posts from Zihuatanejo.
greatape
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:18 Report as offensive
He has been chosen as the model for the reconstruction of the Buddhas of Bamiyan.
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:24 Report as offensive
I do like the sound of that chair
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:25 Report as offensive
He has both male and female sex organs. As well as a set which Doctors are yet to identify.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:41 Report as offensive
His favourite is a Dairylea Triangle.
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:43 Report as offensive
he has a trick pelvis and no gag reflex
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:45 Report as offensive
He lost three of his fingers in a bear fight in
Tamora
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:56 Report as offensive
he blows goats
Nut Butter
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:00 Report as offensive
He was named for Sue Moffit, internationally acclaimed painter of animals, principally known for her characterful portrait paintings of cows.
curious girl
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:26 Report as offensive
he keeps a colony of snails in his sock drawer.
Miss Mayhem
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:27 Report as offensive
Sumo looks good in a skirt.
Miss Mayhem
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:28 Report as offensive
Oh. You said make stuff up...
Sorry, misunderstood the brief.
Nevermind me.
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:29 Report as offensive
He is leading a consortium of former South East Asian dictators to buy Newcastle United
Jadis
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:30 Report as offensive
He once loaned a knitting pattern to my Grandma, attempted to charge 300% apr, sent the boys around...messy...grrr.
Roast Beef
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:37 Report as offensive
He once spent a year in silence, so as to better appreciate the sound of a whisper.
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:39 Report as offensive
He was present at
chambers
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:40 Report as offensive
He's from Lancashire and wishes he was from
Hardman
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:45 Report as offensive
he likes spending his sunny afternoons chaining Daisy from accounts to his four poster and showing her some double entry book-keeping..
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:49 Report as offensive
He once punched Leona Lewis in the side of the head at a book signing
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:50 Report as offensive
He had a threesome with Stephen Gately and a Bulgarian
chambers
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:56 Report as offensive
Ah, correction. Just remembered. He's Scottish isn't he.
Doesn't change things.
Jadis
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:57 Report as offensive
Oh, I forget to mention that he wee's sherbert.
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 20:18 Report as offensive
He has penned more than eight million words. His autohagiography, The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, chronicles the life of an individual who shuns the everyday, scorns the laws of ordinary men, laughs in the face of convention, reinvented the ocarina and hates Leona Lewis
Posted - 14 October 2009 21:39 Report as offensive
Sumo was both the long term and short term cause of World War 1
Posted - 15 October 2009 08:37 Report as offensive
From the age of 2 he was raised by wolves in the forests of
camenbert
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:00 Report as offensive
he is a world expert on English country dancing and regularly competes in bouts of full-contact morris dancing
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:41 Report as offensive
In 1996, he spent 3 months constructing a scale model of the
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:44 Report as offensive
In 1973 he invented Soda Stream
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:53 Report as offensive
His favourite drink is dandelion and burdock, Soda Stream stylee.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:54 Report as offensive
Spooky,
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:03 Report as offensive
Great minds, Cosmic, great minds
Speaking of which Sumo won 8 nobel peace prizes but they were taken away from him after his brief flirtation with Nazism during the 1930s.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:06 Report as offensive
Sumo is a London Irish fan but secretly wishes Digger the Irish Wolfhound would replace Big Bob Casey in the second row.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:12 Report as offensive
Sumo was part of the
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:13 Report as offensive
Sumo collects certified copy stamps from every firm he has worked for.
Mr Orange
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:16 Report as offensive
When appearing at court, Sumo sometimes likes to wrongfoot the other side by rolling up on one of these:
http://www.my-family-fun.com/pictures/barbie-girls-bike-1.jpg
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:21 Report as offensive
you fcuker orange
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:23 Report as offensive
Sumo has been a nomination for Prime Minsiter in the last 5 general elections. Unfortunately he's a lib dem.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:26 Report as offensive
Sumo invented the deep-fried pizza.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:35 Report as offensive
Sumo provided the voices for all of the characters on The Racoons.
Except Cyril Sneer.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:37 Report as offensive
That Racoons one would be so cool if it were true.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:38 Report as offensive
He lost all his hair at
Betty
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:39 Report as offensive
Mr Orange wins.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:41 Report as offensive
Sumo devised the the set of the Aztec Zone in the Crystal Maze. He also dressed up as 'Mumsie' on the few occasions that Sandra Caron was late for filming.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:44 Report as offensive
He was Sean Connery's stunt double in both Rising Sun and Dr No.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:59 Report as offensive
Sumo never touches a computer. He "employs" several "assistants" ("kidnapped" and "love-slaves" may be more accurate) to type as he dictates. He has one for each of his online activities: RoF, blog etc.
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:00 Report as offensive
No one knows who Sumo's father really his. Prime contenders are Alexander the Great, Rasputin and Clive (his mums one eyed window cleaner.)
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:33 Report as offensive
I hate the racoons
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:35 Report as offensive
WHAT?????????????????????
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:39 Report as offensive
no explosions it was pish
the whole point of cartoons is to do stuff you can't do in real life and a host of characters living in harmony in a wood is just a sort of TV prep school for convincing children they should settle for soap opera tripe
monkeygirkl
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:41 Report as offensive
He really wanted to call himself MusoKing but his fingers are so fat he can't type properly...or play the guitar
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:46 Report as offensive
The reason he doesn't like the Racoons is because he was buggered senseless by a gang of randy male racoons whilst on a School trip.
monkeygirkl
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:53 Report as offensive
Sumo had a walk-on role as an extra in B-Grade film Attack of the Killer Tomatoes - as one of the tomatoes
Bad Fingers
Posted - 15 October 2009 12:06 Report as offensive
he is actually a young woman called Judith who lives in the
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:24 Report as offensive
can't believe this didn't tun
abbeywell63
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:26 Report as offensive
he likes a nice rimming chair
Cruella De Evil
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:38 Report as offensive
He is distantly related to the Wombles.
greatape
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:41 Report as offensive
He eally wanted the username Smoking Gnu, but had to go for a near anagram when that name was not available.
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:42 Report as offensive
In his spare time, Sumo whittles baseball bats from oak.
Cruella De Evil
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:56 Report as offensive
He is so sexually potent that he fathered a band of little Sumo Kings, simply by looking winsomely at or in the general direction of 124 women of child bearing age.
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:22 Report as offensive
Sumo knits baby blankets for orphaned children.
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:25 Report as offensive
Sumo was originially due to appear in Friends instead of David Schwimmer but during the filming of the pilot show he managed to sleep with both Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox. He was asked to leave the studio immediately
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:27 Report as offensive
Michel Le Roux's mad eyes are the result of him once staring directly into Sumo's eyes. If a normal person did this, their head would explode.
chatfieldbatham
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:13 Report as offensive
He hums.
Badly.
Hmm hmm hmmm...
monkeygirkl
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:31 Report as offensive
Sumo is responsible for the disappearing garden gnome phenomenon by planting moles in every garden.
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:35 Report as offensive
Sumo is in fact related to Paul Calf (the Steve Coogan character) and Asbo Joe and likes to spend his free time picking fights with pretentious goateed students in his local boozer.
(When he is not occupied with catching women in his sack)
His favourite other hobbies include smoking tabs, lager, and arguing about football. And having a good punch-up outside the kebab shop.
Testarossa
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:38 Report as offensive
Sumo sleeps standing up in a darlek
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:50 Report as offensive
Sumo has a 3ft long lizard tail which requires him to have his suits tailored by Kilgour. If you catch him by his tail it falls off, enabling his rapid escape. His lizard tail has been known to be mislaid during sack-related activity.
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:52 Report as offensive
Sumo once blacked himself up. This resulted in him being elected as President of the
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:53 Report as offensive
Sumo has auditioned every year for the X-Factor since it started. He has never made it past boot camp.
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 09:03 Report as offensive
*splutters with laughter @
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 09:03 Report as offensive
(at the blacking himself up gag)
The Bean
Posted - 16 October 2009 10:06 Report as offensive
Ditto. Another overt chuckle on the train due to that.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 16 October 2009 10:13 Report as offensive
Sumo once ate a baby - the other other white meat.
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:40 Report as offensive
Sumo used to be the drummer for Slipknot but the band decided he was too depraved and scary.
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:50 Report as offensive
Now he writes all of Rammstein's choons instead.
monkeygirkl
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:57 Report as offensive
...while moonlighting as bass player for the Insane Clown Posse
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 11:17 Report as offensive
heh @ Monkey! Trying to think of more.
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