After writing a letter to the president of Yellow Cab talent agency, asking to become a star, the uber-busty Harumi Nemoto has risen to become one of the most popular idols in Japan. In addition to releasing two extra-sexy DVDs, X-body and Surf Girl, Harumi also writes a column in the montly manga magazine, Manga Life. So not only is she hot, but she can write, is into manga, and she’s hot. Did I mention she’s hot? No? Well, she is.
HMS Warspite (pennant number 03) was a Queen Elizabeth-class battleship of the British Royal Navy. She was launched on 26 November 1913 at Devonport Royal Dockyard. She was, and is, one of the most famous and glamorous of names in the Royal Navy. Warspite would, during World War II, gain the nickname "The Grand Old Lady", after a comment made by Admiral Sir Andrew Cunningham in 1943.
Warspite, and the rest of the class, was the brainchild of two men. One was Admiral Sir John 'Jackie' Fisher, who was First Sea Lord when the first all big-gun battleship, HMS Dreadnought, came into existence. The other was Winston S. Churchill, First Lord of the Admiralty, who was paramount in getting the Queen Elizabeths off the drawing board and into the water; but he was also influenced in a number of decisions about the Queen Elizabeths by Lord Fisher, who had been persuaded to come out of retirement by Churchill.
In 1916, Warspite, and the rest of the 5th Battle Squadron, were temporarily transferred to David Beatty's Battlecruiser Force. On 31 May, Warspite took part in her first, and largest, engagement in her career, the Battle of Jutland. Warspite received fifteen hits from main armament guns of the German capital ships, which resulted in considerable damage, so that she came close to foundering. Her steering jammed after she had attempted to avoid collision with her sister-ship Valiant. Her captain decided to stay on course, in effect going round in circles, rather than stop and reverse, a decision that would have made Warspite a sitting duck. These manoevres saved Warrior, for the Germans switched their attention from the badly damaged cruiser to the more tempting target of a battleship in difficulty. This gained her the eternal affection of the crew of Warrior, who believed Warspite's actions were intentional. The crew finally regained control of Warspite after two full circles, though the actions undertaken to stop her circling had the negative aspect of potentially taking her straight towards the German High Seas Fleet.The rangefinders and the transmission station were out of order and only "A" turret could fire, but under local control all 12 salvos fell short of their target. Midshipman Herbert Annesley Packer was promoted and mentioned in dispatches for his command of "A" turret. The Warspite was no longer a fighting force and therefore the order was given for Warspite to stop to allow repairs, after which she was underway once more. Warspite would, after the Battle of Jutland, be plagued with steering problems for the rest of her service life.
During the battle, Warspite suffered fourteen killed and sixteen wounded; among the latter was warrant officer Walter Yeo, notable as one of the first men to receive facial reconstruction via plastic surgery[4]. She sailed, despite considerable damage, for home after being ordered to do so by Rear-Admiral Hugh Evan-Thomas, commander of the 5th Battle Squadron. On her journey home, on 1 June, she came under attack from a German U-boat which unsuccessfully fired two torpedoes at her. A second attack occurred soon after, with another torpedo launched but again missing. Only a short while after that incident, Warspite confronted a U-boat directly in front of her; she attempted to ram the U-boat but failed. She safely reached Rosyth, where her damage was repaired.
During the summer of 1940, Warspite was transferred to the Mediterranean theatre and fought in several engagements. During the Battle of Calabria she was credited with achieving the longest range gunnery hit from a moving ship to a moving target in history. This was a hit on the Giulio Cesare at a range of approximately 26,000 yards (see also the Scharnhorst, which scored a hit on the Glorious at approximately the same distance, in June 1940).
From 27 to 29 March, 1941, Warspite took part as the flagship of Admiral Cunningham in the Battle of Cape Matapan, in which three Italian heavy cruisers and two destroyers were sunk in a night action
On 21 April, 1941, still under Cunningham's command, Warspite along with battleships Barham and Valiant, as well as the cruiser
Warspite also took part in the naval portion of the Battle of Crete, where she was badly damaged by German bombers.
Warspite's sister ships were all sunk or heavily damaged during their time in the
After repairs, she bombarded
On the way to her scrapyard, after already experiencing trouble on the journey to the breakers due to a storm, she broke free of her anchor, subsequently running hard aground in Prussia Cove and she was towed to St. Michael's Mount, where the ship had to be scrapped in situ over the next few years.
You poor poor fool, clearly being a 3rd world refugee and flocking to the anglo saxon light of civilization has taught you nothing. Fortunately for me I grew up in
A woman you see is small, weak and vulnerable to many things, not least of which is the mammoth, a ferocious burrowing creature which uses it’s great horns to tunnel under the ground before deploying it’s slimy tentacle in a vesuvial eruption from the earth to snatch and devour said feme.
A man is the natural enemy of the mammoth, there is after all good eating on a mammoth and the fur makes for a cool cape. A man may spring at the mammoth seize it’s terrible horns and deliver thunderous head butt after thunderous head butt until the vile creature is slain.
The problem for the lady is how does she harness the ferocity of a gent to keep her safe from the mammoth and indeed the sundry other creatures which may do her harm? She cannot resort to physical oppression as she is weak and feeble. She can try to be alluring but she risks being used and discarded and in such a situation would be tired and even more easily fall prey to predators.
No, what women have developed is the MMF (Monumental Mind Fcuk) where they beguile a gent not by recourse to swaying hips and heaving bosoms (which are merely there to catch the eye) but by deploying invisible mind claws to sink into his brain and enslave him. Initally this would result in a large angry man being on call to attack any predatory creatures such as the afore mentioned mammoth being the main aggressor.
The modern effects are easily seen in an otherwise sane man believing the drivel that spouts from a lady’s mouth, carrying heavy things sometimes without his knowledge, constructing improbably pieces of furniture and indeed handing out the credit card and his hard earned wonga because a bit of hoovering equates to a 12 hour shift down a mine.
Perhaps you have already twigged where I am going with this but I shall lay it out anyway. The problem is that women have gone too far and have so domesticated the majority of men that they are practically women themselves. In the 1950s spontaneous ovary growth in men was at 0.0023% of the population. Today it is at a horrifying 12% and follows an upsurge in mammoth activity to the tune of 45,000 women (and feminine men) being devoured in the last year.
As I previously mentioned I was alerted to this phenomenon at an early age and following much meditation, hitting myself in the head with a hammer and a diet of raw meant, often that of tourists brought down by my fellow feral weegie youths I was able to kill off that part of my brain which the MMF targets. The happy result being that when confronted by even the most alluring of sirens I do not fall victim to their tricks and instead remain able to revert to my own natural comparative advantage which like any proper man is to simply physically out gun a lady and stuff her in a sack while her invisible mind claws thrash helplessly at my dented skull.
I urge you (and indeed anyone who would be a man) to take up a hammer post haste, hit yourself in the head and free yourself from these harpies!
Whisky or Whiskey
A Scotsman who spells
Whisky with a n ‘e’,
should be hand cuffed
and thrown head first in the Dee,
In the USA and Ireland,
it’s spelt with an ‘e’
but in Scotland
it’s real ‘Whisky’.
So if you see Whisky
and it has an ‘e’,
only take it,
if you get it for free!
For the name is not the same
and it never will be,
a dram is only a real dram,
from a bottle of ‘Scotch Whisky’.
Posted - 14 October 2009 16:59
His left leg is circa 3 inches longer than his right.
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:00 Report as offensive
circa is a measurement of time surely?
Mr Coffee hes so frothy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:01 Report as offensive
several african refugee families reside in his enormous flab-folds.
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:01 Report as offensive
He owns a flock of miniature ducks which he feeds oven chips
Windowshade Curlymint
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:02 Report as offensive
He has the brain the size of a small fish and the sensitivity of a donkey.
Oh no wait, that's true..
Still adore him though for my sins
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
if you ton this up I will post it up on my blog
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
he plucks his own bikini line with a pair of rusty tweezers
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:03 Report as offensive
His favourite thing in the world is a runny egg and sausage sandwich made with fresh white bread.
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:05 Report as offensive
He once climbed halfway up
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:05 Report as offensive
he likes spending his sunny afternoons daisy chaining
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:06 Report as offensive
He won a first at Glasgow, has squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs, sold his soul for Rock'n'Roll, almost pipped Krugman for the Nobel Prize and is barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in South Manchester.
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:06 Report as offensive
he knits all his own sweaters
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:07 Report as offensive
and pickles his own onions
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:08 Report as offensive
He once challenged the Bass player from White Snake to an arm wrestle. The challenge was turned down.
camenbert
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:08 Report as offensive
Some say he casts no shadow when in
Some say he his knees pcik up jazz FM
all we know is, he's called the Sumo
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:09 Report as offensive
In his spare time he surfs the internet looking for pictures of middle-aged women with sunburn.
Not Too Fussy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:11 Report as offensive
it was Mrs Sumo that caught him in a sack and kept him in her basement - she has since taught him everything he knows
Nick Lowe
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:11 Report as offensive
He admires and respects the RoF poster known as Nick Lowe and wishes he was from
I'm pretty sure the 'He' bit of that sentence is true.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:12 Report as offensive
Rumours circulating in Motherwell as recently as yesterday suggest that his sweat has the identical chemical composition to Irn Bru.
eugenie
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:15 Report as offensive
his lips are devil red
and his skin's the colour of mocha
Dogmatix
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:16 Report as offensive
Sumo lessr known persuits include cake decoration, hello kitty memorabila collection and sack quilting.
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:18 Report as offensive
He likes Jeff Stryker prison movies
Bungle Fever
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:18 Report as offensive
When he drinks blended whisky he pees cask-strength single malt.
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:19 Report as offensive
He credited with modernising the city of
he is worshipped as a god by the cargo cult that sprang up following this mighty deed and to which 98.6%* of the population of
(*note the remaining 1.4% of the population are gents from holy
The_original_IG
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:22 Report as offensive
he used an axe to hack off his hand at the wrist, then sewed it back on just because he was bored and wanted to pass some time.
Mark Corrigan
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:27 Report as offensive
As has been revealed on a previous occasion, "he" is actually a 14-year-old public schoolgirl called Arabella who is distantly related to the Duchess of Kent.
Miss Happy
Posted - 14 October 2009 17:59 Report as offensive
He often dresses up in womens clothes and performs as a drag queen.
SolsburyHill
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:03 Report as offensive
He is sixteenth in line to the the throne of
oxsnob
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:04 Report as offensive
He owns Jimmy Saville's original chair from 'Jim'll Fix It,' which he has had converted to dispense large brandies as well as cigars and cups of tea.
oxsnob
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:07 Report as offensive
(the inside of the chair features a small prison for petite girls)
Betty
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:09 Report as offensive
He is allergic to Latex.
Miss Happy
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:16 Report as offensive
I like that one Betty.
SolsburyHill
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:17 Report as offensive
His life story inspired the character of Andy Defrain in the Shawshank Redemption, he posts from Zihuatanejo.
greatape
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:18 Report as offensive
He has been chosen as the model for the reconstruction of the Buddhas of Bamiyan.
SumoKing
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:24 Report as offensive
I do like the sound of that chair
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:25 Report as offensive
He has both male and female sex organs. As well as a set which Doctors are yet to identify.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:41 Report as offensive
His favourite is a Dairylea Triangle.
abbeywell46
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:43 Report as offensive
he has a trick pelvis and no gag reflex
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:45 Report as offensive
He lost three of his fingers in a bear fight in
Tamora
Posted - 14 October 2009 18:56 Report as offensive
he blows goats
Nut Butter
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:00 Report as offensive
He was named for Sue Moffit, internationally acclaimed painter of animals, principally known for her characterful portrait paintings of cows.
curious girl
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:26 Report as offensive
he keeps a colony of snails in his sock drawer.
Miss Mayhem
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:27 Report as offensive
Sumo looks good in a skirt.
Miss Mayhem
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:28 Report as offensive
Oh. You said make stuff up...
Sorry, misunderstood the brief.
Nevermind me.
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:29 Report as offensive
He is leading a consortium of former South East Asian dictators to buy Newcastle United
Jadis
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:30 Report as offensive
He once loaned a knitting pattern to my Grandma, attempted to charge 300% apr, sent the boys around...messy...grrr.
Roast Beef
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:37 Report as offensive
He once spent a year in silence, so as to better appreciate the sound of a whisper.
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:39 Report as offensive
He was present at
chambers
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:40 Report as offensive
He's from Lancashire and wishes he was from
Hardman
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:45 Report as offensive
he likes spending his sunny afternoons chaining Daisy from accounts to his four poster and showing her some double entry book-keeping..
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:49 Report as offensive
He once punched Leona Lewis in the side of the head at a book signing
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:50 Report as offensive
He had a threesome with Stephen Gately and a Bulgarian
chambers
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:56 Report as offensive
Ah, correction. Just remembered. He's Scottish isn't he.
Doesn't change things.
Jadis
Posted - 14 October 2009 19:57 Report as offensive
Oh, I forget to mention that he wee's sherbert.
Suburban Samurai
Posted - 14 October 2009 20:18 Report as offensive
He has penned more than eight million words. His autohagiography, The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, chronicles the life of an individual who shuns the everyday, scorns the laws of ordinary men, laughs in the face of convention, reinvented the ocarina and hates Leona Lewis
Posted - 14 October 2009 21:39 Report as offensive
Sumo was both the long term and short term cause of World War 1
Posted - 15 October 2009 08:37 Report as offensive
From the age of 2 he was raised by wolves in the forests of
camenbert
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:00 Report as offensive
he is a world expert on English country dancing and regularly competes in bouts of full-contact morris dancing
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:41 Report as offensive
In 1996, he spent 3 months constructing a scale model of the
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:44 Report as offensive
In 1973 he invented Soda Stream
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:53 Report as offensive
His favourite drink is dandelion and burdock, Soda Stream stylee.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 09:54 Report as offensive
Spooky,
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:03 Report as offensive
Great minds, Cosmic, great minds
Speaking of which Sumo won 8 nobel peace prizes but they were taken away from him after his brief flirtation with Nazism during the 1930s.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:06 Report as offensive
Sumo is a London Irish fan but secretly wishes Digger the Irish Wolfhound would replace Big Bob Casey in the second row.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:12 Report as offensive
Sumo was part of the
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:13 Report as offensive
Sumo collects certified copy stamps from every firm he has worked for.
Mr Orange
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:16 Report as offensive
When appearing at court, Sumo sometimes likes to wrongfoot the other side by rolling up on one of these:
http://www.my-family-fun.com/pictures/barbie-girls-bike-1.jpg
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:21 Report as offensive
you fcuker orange
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:23 Report as offensive
Sumo has been a nomination for Prime Minsiter in the last 5 general elections. Unfortunately he's a lib dem.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:26 Report as offensive
Sumo invented the deep-fried pizza.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:35 Report as offensive
Sumo provided the voices for all of the characters on The Racoons.
Except Cyril Sneer.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:37 Report as offensive
That Racoons one would be so cool if it were true.
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:38 Report as offensive
He lost all his hair at
Betty
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:39 Report as offensive
Mr Orange wins.
*Cosmic*
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:41 Report as offensive
Sumo devised the the set of the Aztec Zone in the Crystal Maze. He also dressed up as 'Mumsie' on the few occasions that Sandra Caron was late for filming.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:44 Report as offensive
He was Sean Connery's stunt double in both Rising Sun and Dr No.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 15 October 2009 10:59 Report as offensive
Sumo never touches a computer. He "employs" several "assistants" ("kidnapped" and "love-slaves" may be more accurate) to type as he dictates. He has one for each of his online activities: RoF, blog etc.
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:00 Report as offensive
No one knows who Sumo's father really his. Prime contenders are Alexander the Great, Rasputin and Clive (his mums one eyed window cleaner.)
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:33 Report as offensive
I hate the racoons
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:35 Report as offensive
WHAT?????????????????????
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:39 Report as offensive
no explosions it was pish
the whole point of cartoons is to do stuff you can't do in real life and a host of characters living in harmony in a wood is just a sort of TV prep school for convincing children they should settle for soap opera tripe
monkeygirkl
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:41 Report as offensive
He really wanted to call himself MusoKing but his fingers are so fat he can't type properly...or play the guitar
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:46 Report as offensive
The reason he doesn't like the Racoons is because he was buggered senseless by a gang of randy male racoons whilst on a School trip.
monkeygirkl
Posted - 15 October 2009 11:53 Report as offensive
Sumo had a walk-on role as an extra in B-Grade film Attack of the Killer Tomatoes - as one of the tomatoes
Bad Fingers
Posted - 15 October 2009 12:06 Report as offensive
he is actually a young woman called Judith who lives in the
SumoKing
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:24 Report as offensive
can't believe this didn't tun
abbeywell63
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:26 Report as offensive
he likes a nice rimming chair
Cruella De Evil
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:38 Report as offensive
He is distantly related to the Wombles.
greatape
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:41 Report as offensive
He eally wanted the username Smoking Gnu, but had to go for a near anagram when that name was not available.
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:42 Report as offensive
In his spare time, Sumo whittles baseball bats from oak.
Cruella De Evil
Posted - 15 October 2009 17:56 Report as offensive
He is so sexually potent that he fathered a band of little Sumo Kings, simply by looking winsomely at or in the general direction of 124 women of child bearing age.
The Bean
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:22 Report as offensive
Sumo knits baby blankets for orphaned children.
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:25 Report as offensive
Sumo was originially due to appear in Friends instead of David Schwimmer but during the filming of the pilot show he managed to sleep with both Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox. He was asked to leave the studio immediately
Posted - 15 October 2009 20:27 Report as offensive
Michel Le Roux's mad eyes are the result of him once staring directly into Sumo's eyes. If a normal person did this, their head would explode.
chatfieldbatham
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:13 Report as offensive
He hums.
Badly.
Hmm hmm hmmm...
monkeygirkl
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:31 Report as offensive
Sumo is responsible for the disappearing garden gnome phenomenon by planting moles in every garden.
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 07:35 Report as offensive
Sumo is in fact related to Paul Calf (the Steve Coogan character) and Asbo Joe and likes to spend his free time picking fights with pretentious goateed students in his local boozer.
(When he is not occupied with catching women in his sack)
His favourite other hobbies include smoking tabs, lager, and arguing about football. And having a good punch-up outside the kebab shop.
Testarossa
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:38 Report as offensive
Sumo sleeps standing up in a darlek
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:50 Report as offensive
Sumo has a 3ft long lizard tail which requires him to have his suits tailored by Kilgour. If you catch him by his tail it falls off, enabling his rapid escape. His lizard tail has been known to be mislaid during sack-related activity.
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:52 Report as offensive
Sumo once blacked himself up. This resulted in him being elected as President of the
Posted - 16 October 2009 08:53 Report as offensive
Sumo has auditioned every year for the X-Factor since it started. He has never made it past boot camp.
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 09:03 Report as offensive
*splutters with laughter @
oxsnob
Posted - 16 October 2009 09:03 Report as offensive
(at the blacking himself up gag)
The Bean
Posted - 16 October 2009 10:06 Report as offensive
Ditto. Another overt chuckle on the train due to that.
Bungle Fever
Posted - 16 October 2009 10:13 Report as offensive
Sumo once ate a baby - the other other white meat.
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:40 Report as offensive
Sumo used to be the drummer for Slipknot but the band decided he was too depraved and scary.
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:50 Report as offensive
Now he writes all of Rammstein's choons instead.
monkeygirkl
Posted - 17 October 2009 10:57 Report as offensive
...while moonlighting as bass player for the Insane Clown Posse
oxsnob
Posted - 17 October 2009 11:17 Report as offensive
heh @ Monkey! Trying to think of more.
